I don't want to be like a fascist dictator; a saint or a sinnner, I want to be a winner.

ugh, so much to talk about. so little energy and desire to type on this blog.

moved stuff out of storage into condo last month = feels great to have a home set up for holidays and visits or whatever without dust and heat. plus visiting with the fam made me feel temporary complete

hannah = best mom ever hands down. she gets me all emotional because i'm so proud of her. man oh man change is one of the most hardest but exciting best feelings ever. over 2 years so much has changed since hannah found out she was pregnant while in OK and me move to OK from CA. it's so wierd to think of how things are now and how they used to be.

mom = worse mom ever. crazy and stalking and needs help and yet somehow you can't say those things even though they're true because you feel so bad after you say it

zee = love of my life, so much hard work in a relationship. "a bird can love a fish but where would they live?" well i've been making a nest with a pool and i think it's working out and will hold. don't assume you know what this means, it's a wierd spiritual metaphor i stole from a movie.

Mississippi = interesting. went to the state fair and had homemade cinnamon rolls and went on spinning crazy ass rides which means nausea for a whole night. sucky.

i didn't go on the internet for almost 2 weeks, always feels good.

i think i'm gonna do it, i'm going to have a slutty costume for halloween. i've always had clever and funny non-slutty costumes for halloween while almost every other female chose otherwise. who am i kidding, i probably won't. but i think i'm gonna try on costumes to see how i feel. i'm gonna go for something with high boots, fuuuuuuuuuuuuun. we'll probably go bar hopping to different halloween themed bars since we don't have anything else to do. and i'll probably be the sober one and thats the way i like it. i was so afraid for so long that i inherited my mom's genes of alcoholism and i was wrong! i hate drinking, except on a few rare occasions with girl friends or holidays, i dunno. you know what i mean.

got my car fixed, needed new tires. no more shaking! they said i was about to have a multiple tire blowout. thank God for the timing of getting it fixed.

can't wait for thanksgiving! i cleaned and organized the condo so freakin good so that when we came back to OK it would be so relaxing and great and clean. we're gonna be so happy. plus my dad and kathy are flying out and sarah is kinda out of jail or at least in a halfway house nearby so we can go visit her since she can't get out.

and it's wierd because it's not our first holiday season together, i saw and talked with zee like 4 years ago on christmas and his family already knows me and vice versa, and everybody already loves him and knows him from when he was little. so wierd and cool and less nerve-racking spending holidays with future in-laws.

i guess that's all i have to say for now, oh and jessica's going to come visit next month and i can't wait.......... good times!

peace and love ya'll