wow. what can i say about the last week. everything that happened in the last week feels like it could be stretched out over a year and that year would have been very busy.
First of all moving away to another state is very scary, uneasy, and life-altering... especially when you've lived in one place all your life. so this last year has already been surreal. i still have to calm down and not get freaked out when i'm reminded that i moved to freaking oklahoma, and i've lived here for almost year... didn't end up moving back to ca. and also have to calm myself down when i realize i have a nephew. hannah freakin had a baby. those two things in itself are already freaky enough to me. all these changes have made me ultra-sensitive and very vunerable to many emotions i haven't felt in so long. so now, moving on............
Commentary for events from March 21st to March 29th:
Friday afternoon: i pack everything that i love (objects) into a suitcase preparing for my visit in ca. the plane arrives and everyone's suitcase comes out but mine. but there is one last suitcase that comes out that looks like mine but isn't. so i grab it and the info tag states he's from oklahoma too. so figuring that this someone grabbed my bag accidently i call the phone number. an old lady answers and says, this isn't richard... this is his mom, he's blind and should be in nevada. wierd. so long story short i turn in his luggage and i never get mine. i call the stupid airlines everyday on my vacation and they are rude and not helpful and all they could do was get my information and give me a stupid mini travel case with gross toothpaste and deoderant that didn't work all week and say 'good luck, we'll let you know if we hear anything'. am i flying on that airline ever again? yes, it's cheap. but will i ever check in another bag going anywhere? NO.
so we go and eat sushi after with my dad, kathy, and shaunna in rancho... really good. mmmm... then head back home where i had an emotional reunion with sadie (which wouldn't have been so emotional if i wouldn't have lost my bag and was super sensitive). then liz came and picked me up which then i got really emotional because to see her face to face and not just hear her voice over the phone after all this time can make any person so grateful and emotional. we met up with rose and paul and i got to meet baby kadence for the first time!!! so exciting. i was there when they first met and exchanged numbers, i was there when they got married, found out she was pregnant then to meet their first beautiful child!? seeing the beautiful results that come from two people meeting and falling in love is so amazing in life to see. then i got home late and mark came and picked me up with jason in the back who decided to scare me, funny. in n out cheeseburger which i didn't enjoy for some wierd reason. good convo. ect....
okay i can't go into detail about my whole trip i just realized, too much info.... sooo.... down to important lessons learned:
going away somewhere and coming back to a place can be very depressing when:
1) any old friend hasn't changed or made any progress in their life and they are exactly the same. the things that used to bother you about them are still there and the things they struggle with in life hasn't changed.
2) when any person you were excited to see doesn't end up wanting to really talk and hang out with you, even if it was just for like 10 min. nothing major. they keep saying well i'll be back in just a second or i'll probably see you tomorrow night won't I? (only a select random few did this, the least expected ones)
3) when you don't get to see someone you wanted to see or spend more time with someone that you wanted to because either there were too many people there or there just wasn't enough time in the day
4) there were 3 people i didn't get to see that i told them i would see and i suck :(
I'm very happy because:
1) most of the conversations i had with people were so fulfilling and relaxed and fun because my mindset the whole trip was- i might not ever see some of these people again, so much can change in a year, i need to show love and kindness and that i care as much as i can remember to because these people are all close to my heart and i have so many memories with them.
2) not all people are so fortunate to take a visit to an old home and have so many people who want to hang out and to know so many awesome people that they can have such a good time with.
3) i saw friends doing SO good in life, striving after God.... changing things in their life for the better, and are just accomplishing their goals.
everytime i asked someone how they're doing and they mention what they're doing it annoyed me. how are you? good, just work and school. but what do i say when people ask me.... how are you doing rachel? good, oklahoma is great, just work and school. psh hypocrite.
i really did hang out with some of the most random people, i think i almost saw some of the most random people also... even people from highschool i never thought i'd see again... especially in church. good and wierd. i almost thought i was going to die in a plane crash on the way back because i saw and said goodbye to so many friends, almost like God was being nice because i was gonna die hahaha.
On another note, let's talk about God and faith on this trip:
i must admit and be honest in this blog, just like i said i would in my second blog. i feel as if as i was somewhat two-faced through this week. i went to church on sunday morning, tuesday and wednesday night..... to basically only see and talk to people. God really worked on my heart those days and then the other days i just wanted to go out and be crazy. which i did somewhat some of those nights, but it wasn't that bad. i'm puzzled as i look back and see how so much of my heart was tug-a-war between flesh and spirit. both won everyday and then went back at it again. not good. i almost flaked one night just to go out with hannah and ryan and their group because i thought it'd be more fun. what a strange and out of character thing for me to feel. i told myself i wouldn't blog about this but i was also on the prowl so to speak. i talked to jessica about it too, how do i explain........... it's almost as if my eyes were constantly searching for potential. it's gotta be the age of 22 thing. everyone's jumping ship around me while holding hands with someone and i guess i was trying to find somone's hand. hmmm that's a good way to put it. probably because being out here in ok for so long made me that way. my heart was worn on my sleeve that whole week and i'm glad no one messed with it because they could have if they wanted to. and that's all i have to say about that.
i definitely need to visit more than once a year, i hope i do more. today was the first day i feel like i'm officially back in OK again. it feels like i never left. i guess that's good and bad. i felt a little depressed today because hannah and ryan came back here with a baby and a new condo that they're gonna move into very soon. they have so much going for them. i do too but i came back to more of an empty place, work, and school. i know i'm happy out here, but i feel like lately i've been having to convince myself of that.
i done typing now but i should mention something bizarre. yesterday morning when i went to work i started having 'issues' at work in the bathroom if you catch my drift. so i start thinking it's just because of the change in environment so quickly ect. so i lose my appetite throughout the day, which isn't like me hahahaha, and go over my aunts house last night. i went back and forth to the bathroom so frequently it was getting really bad and i don't want to go into much detail but the 'issues' were far from normal and something was not right. so im hanging out with ryan's friend that was visiting this week and it kept happening, frequent trips back and forth. so finally at like 11:30 i went to sleep exhausted and curled up in a ball on my bed and around 2:00am i wake up but i feel like i'm paralyzed, i can't move my body at all and it takes about 10 minutes to get up and go to the bathroom. while in the bathroom i stand up to start to throw up and next thing you know i'm screaming for hannah to call 911 and down i go, passed out on the bathroom floor. paramedics come, put me on a stretcher, and off i go. so: i have some virus, it sucks, and i slept all day today and missed school that i shouldn't have but kinda didn't have a choice.
but look on the brightside- like the stupid girl i am - i think (or just feel) that i lost about 10 pounds within 24 hours
OBAT PENYAKIT HERPES
10 years ago
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