everyday is a winding roooooooooooad, i get a little bit closer; to feeling fiiiiiiine

I decided every blog i write the title is gonna be words to a song i heard that day.


Bike ride number 3 was so much fun on sunday. we went on a trail then onto a super old cool rusty... but safe, bridge that crossed the arkansas river. we rode to riverwalk, a place along the river with restaurants and coffee shops and such and ate lunch outside. then we went on another cool curvy path to the tulsa aquarium which has one of the few 'shark tunnels' that exist in the US. everything was so adventurous and spontaneous, just the way i like it. we didn't plan any of it. Then we went to the aquarium and saw scary sea creatures, and some other ones like dori, nemo, bruce, and uhh that's all i know. me and hannah asked the fur guy (the guy hanging out by the beaver dam with animal skin all over him to show visitors) if we could wear it and take a picture, good times. Then we ate dinner over grandmas, like every sunday night.

update on mom: tried to hang herself in rehab apparently. i know. crazy. just thought i'd throw that out there to show the crap i've always dealt with. but's it not the first so didn't really phase me.... now she has to have this lady follow her around all the time and my mom gets mad at her, kinda funny... have to find the humor in those kind of things. welp, that's all i have to say about that. big gulps huh? well see ya later.

i've been working overtime a lot it seems, i was hoping i'd have enough extra money to have carlos do my second tattoo while i was out there in ca, he's the only one i trust now, but it doesn't look like i have enough. bummer. i guess i should do that whole 'wait 2 years and see if you still want it' thing, especially since it was gonna be something going around my wrist area.

stupid school, i was doing so good.... maintaining A's. it's like i purposely didn't do homework for 2 weeks and missed school. I always sabatoge myself when i'm doing good with anything, it's a fact... i think i need counseling or something. everytime i'm doing good at something or have a good relationship with someone, i purposely get rid of it and never think about those things/people again, never look back and turn away from them .... well except for that one person that comes back to haunt me in my dreams... long story. i was doing so good in catalyst, at least i thought i was, then just after i got credentialed it's like i couldn't take the success so i resigned. and trust me, the list goes on and on. that's why i don't know if i'll ever get married. it's completely split down the middle. completely half of me wants to and the other half doesn't. i'm so happy being single, but i really want to have offspring (i know that's a funny term but i like it because its a way of saying a person that came from you and is part of you that becomes an individual... i dunno, i just always liked it). i think marriage grosses me out more because of everyone's emphasis on it. and the more people bother me about it (family) and the more i see marriage become something it's not.... the less chance i'm gonna get married. if only i could split in half.... one side get married, pop a few kids out, grow old and work in a office or something, being all american-like..... and one side be a hippie, travel around in a rv going to assigned hospitals as a nurse taking yearly missions trips and be pretty much single and free or living in africa until i die. oh if only a way to combine both Lord. well to conclude one of my very few talks about marriage that i totally saw coming when i started this blogger thing: I only plan on getting married if soemone comes along that i would regret forever if i passed up the opportunity to plan my life with him. the end. we'll see what happens. happy either way, that's what's so beautiful about it. le sigh. where is that from? maybe from fcnow when i used to go on there. or someone's old live journal maybe?


hmmmff, feel kinda good now =)